Mr Grey

I have always been blessed with a bit of baby face that has let me pass myself off as being a lot younger. At 27, if asked, many people would guess my age as being nearer 21. I was also blessed with a thick head of dark hair. The barber would always have to thin my hair when cutting it and often remarked that I had no fear of going bald. With the likes of George Clooney and Sean Connery going grey/sliver was never a concern of mine as a full head of silver seemed quite attractive to a large number of ladies adding a touch of distinction perhaps. 

Sadly, my genes disagreed with my barber. My father developed a 'helicopter' patch which gradually expanded forward along with an upwardly expanding forehead which finally met up leaving him bald on top. In my early thirties I could see the beginnings of this and it was amplified by the darkness of my hair. So, committed to going bad gracefully and escaping the comb-over I immediately trimmed my hair as short as it would go barring a razor blade. Thankfully I seemed to have the head shape to pull this off making it look more like a choice however a half head of grey hair was never going to achieve the Clooney look.

Despite starting to grey, the close crop has hidden this quite well as long as I cropped my hair right back once a fortnight. That is until recently. Alas that is not the case any more. Such is the extent of the grey /silver now that within one week it is clear as a bell and with it the chances of passing myself off as a thirty something have gone the way of the hair on the top of my head! Sob, sniff.

Time bomb

I've never given much thought to the age difference between my wife and I other than the fact that her being 8.5 year younger is a bonus. However, yesterday I decided to do a rare bit of retirement planning and some shocking realities dawned on me.

My life expectancy is supposedly 87 whereas hers is 90. This means she will outlive me by almost 12 years. My state retirement age is 67, hers is 68. This means that I will supposedly retire almost 10 years before her. The chance of me retiring early at 55 (a similar age to when my parents retired) is unlikely as both my children would still be in university at that time. In fact, my youngest would not leave university until I am almost 60.

Of course, this doesn't mean I'm about to go trade my wife for an older model but it leads me to draw a number of conclusions:

• If I wish to spend my retirement with my wife, we must have sufficient funds for her to retire at least 10 years early. 
• If I wish to retire early then this just magnifies the issue.
• If I do not have sufficient funds for both of us to retire early ( me by 7 - 12 years, her by 17 - 22 years !!) then I am unlikely to ever retire early.
• If I am unlikely to retire early, then a lot of things we planned to do in retirement we may not achieve due to my age at that time.
• The only way to mitigate these issues is to;
• a) Put aside a hell of a lot more money
• b) Try and maintain physical and mental health for as long as possible.

Of course even then it's not that straight-forward. To put aside more money we must either work more or spend less. This will have negative effects on our lives now. Maintaining health will not be an easy option either. Both my Dad and Grandad suffered heart problems and on top of this, when I broke my back the doctor warned me I am likely to suffer arthritis of the spine in later life.

#depressed

Living in a box

I think there has been a catalyst to my recent mental ramblings. I work from home. In principal its great. No wasting time and money or damaging the environment commuting. It allows me great flexibility in helping out with the kids. I don't need to wear a suit and tie, in fact I can work in my pants!

But it's not all happy pant wearing work schedules, there are some downsides. It can be hard to discipline yourself when you most need to. Work hours seem to go out of the window and because you're at home people sometimes call you when they're at home, like evenings and weekends. Also, when you leave for a place of work the kids know you have gone to work. When you're sitting in the next room it's not always an easy concept for them to grasp when you keep dismissing them and asking them to leave.

Perhaps one of the biggest negative parts is the isolation. In my previous job I was Mr Social and had a great social life around my work. Now I'm just a voice on the end of a phone, not even that most days, an email. I often do not leave the house, sometimes for days. Even then when I do it just for a local trip often less than a mile. I cannot help thinking this isolation is magnifying the problem. Some days the silence is deafening and that's when the mind start to wander ...

P.S. No that's not me pictured in the box.Yet.

Knowing one's limitations

I'm not particularly talking about mental, physical or emotional limitations, I guess I mean the ties that bind us. If I take a quick look in the mirror I see a dad, a husband, a business partner, home owner, all of the above and more.

These roles all have responsibilities and it is these responsibilities that limit a lot of what I now can and cannot do. An important thing to remember is that I chose these, not just willingly but went out of my way to achieve. 

As a dad I want to be there for my children, help raise them, watch them grow, share as much time as I can with them. As a husband I want to be as much as a soul mate to my wife as she it to me, share our lives together and provide for the family. As a businessman I have made commitments to our clients and more importantly my business partner who is also my brother. As a home owner I have major financial obligations that must be met. This is truly a mixed bag but perhaps two of the most obvious limitations come down to time and money. Both and considerable challenges, not entirely impossible, just almost.

Although this is a personal journey, as I highlighted earlier, I would like my entire family to learn the life less ordinary. This however means that I have to consider their obligations and responsibilities. Just looking at the time constraint alone poses many challenges. My wife works and only has limited holidays. Due to this she is also unable to make all the school runs so I have to handle these.

The kids have school and their education is important as well as the social life it also provides them. We are constrained as to when they can and cannot have time off as well as needing to fulfil their homework obligations. There is also their hobbies and the after school clubs and activities to factor in. They should not in anyway have to suffer as a consequence of my choices.

In terms of the business I do have an ace up my sleeve. Being in IT means that I can pretty much work from anywhere I have a laptop and an internet connection and being self-employed affords me some flexibility in choosing when I do the bulk of my work.

The choice of being a home owner brings financial obligations, which is why both my wife and I have to work. The house is also in need of much work which my wife, as the home-maker, is understandably keen to progress. With this in mind the financial challenge is a major obstacle. If as I said at the outset the life less ordinary activities are to be in addition to, not instead of, my current lifestyle then it means the associated expenses will be in addition, unless of course I choose to start making sacrifices (not the children I might add).

Given the above, finances are perhaps the first obstacle to tackle. The kids do have a lot of time off in holidays across the year, and I do have a good degree of flexibility in when and where I work. My wife does not have as much holiday allowance as the kids but if she did not have to work then we could make use of these advantages. However, I am by no means the first to spot this type of opportunity. 


I frequently see adverts for cheap flights 'just £15 per person each way" and immediately I think of spontaneous trips away to foreign destinations. This is of course short lived when I try to book said flights for the family. As anyone else who has tried to book these will know these are for mid-week off-peak times which anyone who works or has family cannot make. Any parent who has ever tried to book a family holiday knows full well the price difference between holidays outside of school holidays and during school holidays. Yep the £15 per person suddenly becomes something more like £300 per person.


Time and money are without a doubt going to be big challenges, but perhaps not the biggest ....